Today I woke up earlier than normal...my son came into my room to ask if he could use the shower, I think it was about 6:10 a.m....my daughter was in the other shower upstairs....I did not sleep well, as I could not fall asleep as I just kept dreaming of my love's white milky skin and her perfectly shaped body...I just kept picturing her lying there on her side...so beautiful and yet so unaware of her beauty....and therefore I am not tired, but instead excited...hoping she will text me, hoping she won't think I am obsessed with her. For I do not yet really know her, except she feels good and genuine and like me full of contradictions.
It never ceases to amaze me of how we end up where we are and how we chain ourselves by our own loyalty and love and by our insecurities that we will lose more than there is to gain. We cannot have it all. There are always choices that lead us to new doors and choices that not only close doors behind us but lock them forever and even the path to them disappears.
I feel like I am dreaming, yet I am happy...in fact happier than I have been in a very long time.
Monday was perfect. Today is still unfolding, but Monday makes today hopeful and and I feel eager for tomorrow as well.
Still I wait anxiously and each buzz on the bberry makes me jump, hoping it is her asking me to come see her. If just to walk through the woods, share a picnic, or to do something soooo mundane, like shop for new shoes for her marvelous feet!
Her taste did not linger long enough....her smell was gone too soon. But the memory is strong.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
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